I did something today which I know I couldn’t have done just a few months ago. Though it’s not something most people would believe if I told them that. So I’m sitting here alone on the verge of tears–tears of relief mind you, but tears none the less–trying to figure out how to celebrate this massive victory.
What happened? I sent two messages, asked for help on a project from two women I know. Happens all the time right? Can’t be that special? Except it is. First of all, I had put these requests in my planner for today. Which seems like no big deal, except that my planner if full of things that I put in there and then moved and then moved again until I could get past the anxiety they brought up. Until I found the courage to do it (and usually awkwardly to boot). So the first monumental thing for me is that I did when I had planned to.
The second thing is one of the request, to be done properly, needed to be done entirely in Spanish. And it was to my darling A’s sister-in-law (to which I’m still not sure what they know what exactly happened and then that’s a book unto itself). I took a deep breathe and then I planned out the things I needed to say in English, translated them into Spanish, checked those translations and then sent <<¿Qué tal?>>
Third, and harder still, was that I had to do the dance of conversation. This is a skill that has eluded me my entire life. Why can’t I just ask for what I want outright, no beating around the bush? Isn’t that easier? No, apparently we need to dance, Emily Post style. And I’d never learned how. Let me say that, just sending the <<¿Qué tal?>>, the “Hi there” and waiting was fairly torturous. I also wrote out that plan. Followed it to a tee.
The biggest shocker for me though was that I got agreement, enthusiastic agreement, back from both. No coaxing, cajoling, or coercion. I could have fallen over. And of course, that’s when I started to feel like crying. Now I feel like I could climb Mount Everest tomorrow. Not sure how long this feeling will last. Going to enjoy it as much as possible and see what new thing I can do next.
Come celebrate with me.