Restraint…

My Darling,

I’m trying really hard not to call. Repeating “don’t do it” over and over. Nothing to be gained. I can go find videos of you for the sound of your voice. Check out Facebook or Garmin Connect or Instagram for a taste of your life. But all I really know is that you’re not here and the rest doesn’t matter. Not where you are. Not why you aren’t here. I just miss you.

I keep reminding myself that moving forward is important. But it feels like I’m giving up in some ways. That trying to build a life without you means… well, it feels like doubt and uncertainty. It feels like failure. And I feel like that’s a stone around my heart.

There’s not a fairy book ending for this. Just what we create for ourselves.

All my love.

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