Probably I shouldn’t have tried to call. Just waited to see you at volleyball tomorrow. The good weather and the volleyball nets would have done the trick. But I felt good about calling. Even after the weird feedback from yesterday’s first round job interview and not having heard from the date on Sunday night moving my focus away from the good stuff, I felt positive and energetic.
But I also wanted to hedge my bets, so I called from a co-worker’s phone. I swear I dialed you number. Called back even to be sure. It wasn’t you. I checked with the girls and they said your number hasn’t changed. So who was that guy who answered the number I called and why wasn’t it you?
I’m struggling to be kind to myself, to forgive myself for pushing it. I wanted to have a conversation before volleyball. And now, well, now I’m just tired and feeling scared I’ve mucked it all up again. I miss you and that’s really hard some times. I know you’re not responsible for that anymore and I wasn’t looking for that today. But I let my expectations take over today and now… well… I could use a hug.
All my love.