New Grief

My Darling,

I wasn’t prepared for this. I thought processing what happened between us was all I needed to do. But no. There’s more, because I didn’t just lose you. I lost my whole family. No longer partner. No longer step mother. Outsider. And I love your family like my own. They have become mine. Your mother, brother, all of them.

And now that I’m healthier regarding you, I find myself facing all those emotions again when I touch the edges of that family. Feeling that deep loss all over again, as if I haven’t spent months healing. Surprise, there was an underlying injury…

I haven’t given up on a new future. Everything I’ve seen says you still love me. But last weekend’s pain set us back. I showed you the emotional side of me which is the one you have learned not to trust and filled you with doubt about my recovery.

You may have doubts but know this, I’m powerful and incredibly healthy. I know how to grieve now and I have a outcome to focus on. This too shall pass and the healing will present even more amazing opportunities.

I miss the fuck out of you.

All my love.

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