Let it Go

Dearest Self,

Hugs. You’re still feeling down and aren’t giving yourself any credit. I know. I KNOW! You’re feeling scared that nothing’s going to work out, that all of this hard work and time spent and you’re still stuck in the same place. The job interviews start but go no where. You start a email conversation and then the other person just stops responding. Darling A talks to you and then he doesn’t. You’re feeling so scared the old patterns come up and that leaves you feeling even more scared.

And because things aren’t going your way right in this moment, you’re so very sure it’s because you haven’t done something or you’ve done it wrong. You want to push at it, make it right and get things the way you want them to be. Selfish. Putting your wants and needs over everybody else’s.

You’ve forgotten all the changes you’ve made already. All the strength you’ve found.  You’ve forgotten that you’ve moved mountains because there are still mountains to move. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

But I know. You miss the girls. You miss Darling A. You keep seeing other friends getting new jobs. You don’t understand why life isn’t how you want it yet. You’re ready for it. Why can’t they be too? And it’s winding you up tight. You’re looking at how to be sure instead of trusting the universe and yourself that everything is going to work out. Keeping looking at where you want to go.

All my love.

“And that’s because the best things happen by chance. Because that’s life. And that’s you being with me out in the ocean not safe in some stupid glass box.”
~Dory, “Finding Dory”

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