Dearest self,

I know today has been  hard and you’re feeling shitty. Hugs. It happens. Just like you told the girls last night–this isn’t a movie or a fairy tale. Things are going to hurt and they’re going to be messy. So we’re going to look at the bright side of things:

First, you aren’t non-functional. You had a gorgeous bike ride to the meeting this afternoon. You didn’t cop-out and call a cab. More importantly, you went and had real meaningful interactions for 2 whole hours and then went and bought cheese for dinner tonight. Even better, your reached out to both S and J for help. This is HUGE and you know it! You have plenty of memories of being near catatonic when life surprised you or went against your expectations. That didn’t happen this time, won’t happen.

You also talked things through with J. You advocated for yourself while listening to him. You were able to leech out some of the negativity just by giving it voice. You got to be angry and hurt for a while. And even better J validated those feelings without making them the center of the conversation. He brought up some serious considerations and you listened even when you disagreed or felt uncomfortable about the suggestion (which flagged some other things you need to reflect on).

Best of all, you haven’t tried to call him or yell at him or anything like that. You’re doing crazy lots of self care and keeping yourself open. You aren’t planning or locked into mine sweep. You started laundry and did dishes. Call this what it is–a victory.

Now go do more things.

All my love.

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