Conflicted

My Darling,

Oh, what a day… Such goodness and then brutal honesty. I talked my way into consideration for another Salesforce job. It felt so good and natural. And then I found out why I didn’t get the other one last week: my phone presence… Echos of too many past lives and missed opportunities…

I really want to call. To talk it over with you and hear your thoughts and plan for how to better for all the other opportunities coming down the pipe. I would really enjoy sharing and having your support. I’m feeling afraid that this is going to undermine my other opportunities as well if I don’t do this and you are so good with people.

But I called B instead. Because he’s honest with me. And we talked about the break up, because he’s honest with me. He made sure I’m being honest with myself, because he loves me.

And all I feel right now is conflicted because you were supportive and caring but also the guy who abandoned me. You love me and yet you don’t stay. And too many Venn diagrams go “Those don’t touch!!” And yet in life, some times they do. And that means nothing’s certain.

I think I should sleep now before I break and call…

All my love.

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