Well, I had a small epiphany… I have to watch my language. It’s hard. Really hard because the world already has words for how things are supposed to be. I did this back last September (because I want us) and then got overwhelmed by other people’s words. They want “break up” and for somebody to be at fault and you to be my villain. It’s so easy to slip into those patterns and not fight back. I did try for a bit, but got confused and slipped. My hurt started to take over the desire to think differently.
Back in September, I called this growing our relationship. Because that’s what I really wanted to happen–for things to change and bloom and expand. Because I don’t want (never have wanted) a relationship deemed normal by society. I can’t have it–bi-sexuality won’t allow it. But I’ve gone along with it, because it’s really easy to fall into cultural norms–I get rewarded for good behavior when I do that and Pavlov had it right.
So this is reminder that we need to chose our words carefully. That we are growing our relationship and it’s going to look different than before. That we didn’t “break up” in the way society thinks of breaking up. And if I take a minute and step back, I can see a different relationship, hibernating in the winter cold, looking for the call of spring to break out and really bloom.
All my love.