The Ache

My Darling,

Tonight I really want to pick up the phone. The itch is really bad. So frustrating that when my life is going so well–that’s when I want you back the most. Yes, I miss your arms when life is shitty and I want to not be strong. But more so, when life is good and I want to celebrate is when I miss you most. You’re good at celebrations.

And I miss that.

Which is funny today, because I got passed over on a job application. I do prefer it when they’re upfront and say we’re not going with you. But (and you know it well) that usually upset me badly. Today it’s just a bit of annoyance along with one of my credit cards having fraudulent charges show up (although you’d get a laugh out of it because they used it to buy McDonald’s).

Ar says it’s normal to miss you and want you here. To be expected after our years together. I told her that I hadn’t wanted to quit you; that doing this was just the only way I knew how to get better without destroying us in the process. I wish I could have been better, but that wasn’t me 3 months ago. And now that I’m not that person anymore, I’d like to see what we could be. Would you be open to that?

All my love.

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