The Anger is Back

My darling,

Today I saw that you had your quarterly follow up. Of course, it went fine. But I’m angry that I’m not part of it, that I’m finding out after the fact. That I went through all of that now to be left out.

And that anger calls to all the other things that anger me as well. I keep returning my focus to the present, to how good all things are and that you are healthy and we have started talking again.

But I want to rail about… well about everything that went wrong, that you aren’t here with me now, that you gave other people your time and stopped sharing it with me.

And it just hurts. The part where you should be. I miss you. I don’t want to miss out on more of your life. And I have no control over that. The only thing I can do is tell you I want back in and you don’t know that you want that.

So I’m reaffirming here that I will be patient, kind, and respectful with you. I won’t push and won’t beg. I will lovingly and conscientiously remind you of all the wonderful thing you found with me the first time and reveal all the new amazing things you can find with me now.

I miss the fuck out of you.

All my love.

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