I don’t really want us to be apart. In fact, I hate it and most days, I want to take it back. But that’s looking at the wall thinking, giving into the fear that we can’t recover from this if we go this route. That this is the wrong way to go about it (and/or even worse, that I’m wrong to want you back).
It’s easy to think that, to go with what convention and societal norms say. The thing is that I fiercely believe in our love and our relationship. I made a vow to do all I could to create an amazing life for us, whatever it took. And this was something I hadn’t tried.
Now here’s the little thing I must process: that I wasn’t going to be able to move forward–to heal and then grow–until I had true certainty again. So simple, except you were very clear that you couldn’t offer that presently, only uncertainty… for an uncertain amount of time… I had to be true to my needs to have any chance of us.
It’s funny (ironic) how easy things got once I established certainty. All the healing I’ve needed for the last year, for many years, is flowing so easily now. It’s on an exponential curve upwards! Life is blooming like a flower garden in Spring–so amazingly full of all I ever wanted.
So I have to trust that I’ve done right by both of us, that your love for me will rekindle when I reach for you again and we’ll both be healthier for it. It’s hard to say that, such uncertainty, yet now I contain all the certainty I need within. I can weather uncertainty from without (including yours) and bring so much more into the world.
All my love.