Esta noche, conocí a otro tú, otro A. Pero de Bogotá, no Cali. Y yo sé porque le pregunté de dónde es. Sí, en español. Hablamos un rato. Sí, en español.
I want to show this off to you, prove all these things that I can do now yet not before. And then it makes me feel awful, that need to prove this to you. I know it’s something I have to work through. These are things I want to be anyway. It doesn’t matter what you think, but these are also the thing you got frustrated with me over. That you used in deciding to shut me out of the Colombian group activities. That you used to decide I wasn’t fun enough. Because I was shy about my Spanish, that I was afraid of being an idiot and disliked because of it. Because I was so worn out by everything.
And you knew I could be better.
Now I am better and you’re not here to see and enjoy. It makes me sad.
This morning, I was listening to Marc Anthony’s Vivir Mi Vida and finally understood the lyrics. Then I cried like my world had ended…
Voy a vivir el momento
Para entender el destino
Voy a escuchar en silencio
Para encontrar el camino
It was a moment and it passed. Moments of grief in between moments of contentment and I must let the pendulum swing.
Todo mi amor.