My darling,

It’s just about Christmas morning and the end of a challenging day. So much of you to face throughout the day. So many things you should be here for and so much to tell…

Mom finished the girls’ afghans and wanted to know if I could still get them to them. I told her I could even though I’m not sure it’s true. I’d rather believe I can than not.

Number 126’s calf got hurt a month ago and I don’t remember Dad telling me. Leg broke. Dad is trying hard to keep my first round of calves from being a bust. I think he should just let it be, but… He loves me and wants me to be happy. Right now, I don’t want to tell him not to.

I lost it tonight during my sister’s family gift exchange. She made B a special wall calendar for his cubicle and I had to runaway and cry. Too much of what I had and lost…

So much goodness though, all morning with Dad, feeding the cows and learning a bit more about how to care for them. Even got offered the chance to castrate the three calves. I spent the ride back to my sister’s playing games with W and K and I have had great movie discussions this week. I even got tapped to make Santa’s cookies with A–we took goofy pics and sent them to Mom and Dad. The whole family has even introduced me to  Stranger Things.

All the things I spent the last 5 years working towards. Just a hole in my heart where you’re supposed to be.

All my love.

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